i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
