When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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