id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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