I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
