I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
