my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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