it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
