Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
