I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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