What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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