He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
