does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
