Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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