Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
