Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
