I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
