This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
