It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Four minutes until I can fart!
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
