I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
