Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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