Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
