there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
