dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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