I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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