can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
