oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
