The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
