Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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