so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
