Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
