You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
