I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
