I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
