Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
