took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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