he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
