I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
