what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
pop tarts are not kleenex
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
