I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
