it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
