She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
