I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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