My first STD was from a foam party
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
