ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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