she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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