found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
