I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
