Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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