She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
