You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
