After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He? As in you personified your dick?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
