Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He shit in the fireplace
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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