Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I need moral support for this bender
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
