So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
