please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
