Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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