ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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