I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
