I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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